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I felt as if a 2×4 had smashed me in the gut. My six year old son is incredibly bright, yet was coming home from school feeling tortured and inadequate. It didn’t add up until I heard his psycho-educational assessment.

I felt like I was drowning. I talked about it to anyone who would listen. My husband’s friend heard me ranting and directed me to a seminar at Branksome Hall, featuring Dr. Mel Levine.

His credentials seemed impressive – director of the University of North Carolina’s Clinical Center for the Study of Development and Learning, and co-founder of All Kinds of Minds, an organization that analyzes learning differences – so I went.

The hour and a half listening to Dr. Mel Levine was life changing. Although he was speaking to a capacity crowd, I felt as if he was talking directly to me about my son and our disappointing experience with the school system.

First, he noted that many children are gifted in one area and weak in another, confirming these kids are anything but dumb. Everyone in the room smiled with relief.

He believes every child is a puzzle with a unique way of processing information. Our job, as parents and educators, is to unlock the puzzle, understand how the child learns and present information to suit their unique learning style.

Much of his focus that night was alleviating parents’ fears about their children’s future success in the real world. “Valedictorians are the best memorizers” he points out. “Not a lot of jobs out there requiring memorization skills.” We laugh with relief.

According to Levine, children with learning challenges often intuitively focus on their strengths, making it easier to become specialists in their field of interest. Well rounded kids with good grades, traditionally considered to be a predictor of future success, can stumble in the real world if they don’t streamline their interests.

“I often tell the children I’m working with to have a look at the smartest, most athletic, most popular kid in your class, and keep in mind you may very well be seeing them at their finest hour.” I think back to my high school days, and agree with him.

Profiles change, we’re told. As your child’s learning style is demystified, and self esteem is restored, expect big changes.

I wished all principals, teachers and educational bureaucrats could have been there to hear his innovative, yet practical, ideas about teaching kids.

Here are some of my favorites:

· Every child is born with an “affinity”, an obsessive interest in cars, sports, fashion, dance, animals, etc. My son is consumed with costumes, and has been since a baby. Levine believes parents and educators should help identify that affinity, nurture it into a passion and turn it into a career.

· He has a wonderfully revolutionary idea that every book, project, and speech a child works on should be connected to this affinity, making the child a mini- expert. His reason – studies prove we absorb more when working on something we’re interested in.

· Most homework should be assigned as group projects. Levine pointed out every occupation, (think law, architecture, and construction) functions as a team, so our educational system should prepare kids accordingly.

· Levine cites a study in which university students were divided based on writing style – out of the box thinkers versus average students. The only consistent theme discovered amongst the “innovative” thinkers was a childhood filled with imaginative play, while the average students described a highly programmed and scheduled childhood.

The reality is we need to be prepared for a long battle with both the system, and sometimes the child. But the benefit of finding our children’s “bliss” combined with the effort to arm them with coping strategies is worthwhile and winnable. For more information about Dr. Mel Levine, visit www.allkindsofminds.org.

The first place I expected to find a friend for my son was at his preschool. However the principal refused to allow a class list to be created, citing privacy concerns for some parents. I was extremely disappointed. With many moms and dads working and drop off and pick up schedules erratic, catching the parents of my child’s school friends was next to impossible.

Josh had a special girlfriend at this school. With his teacher’s help, I managed to connect with this little girl’s mom and invited her daughter to come play. When she arrived, she was carrying a dozen roses. It was clear her mother was as overjoyed as I was to finally connect with another family outside of school hours.

My son also attends a French immersion public school. I was thrilled to receive a request for contact information for a class list. I’m sure I was the first mom to sign up. Within a month, a mom of one of the students phoned me to set up a time for our boys to cavort.

The first date had her son come to our place. Unfortunately, it ended earlier than expected with our guest in tears, sobbing that he missed his mother. So, we tried again a few weeks later. This time the boys played at his house. When I arrived to pick up Josh, I had to pry him from the arms of his friend who wanted to continue wrestling all night. Social success!

Once I dropped Josh off with his nanny at an indoor play area. When I picked them up, Josh ran to me yelling he had a made a new friend. I felt a burst of joy, grabbed a business card and made a forty yard dash to find the mom of my son’s new pal. I think she was a bit surprised when I ran to her, out of breath, pushing my business card into her hand, saying, “I would LOVE it if we can get our boys together sometime.” Sadly, they were visiting from out of town, but would call if they came into town again.

My son’s social life began to perk up when several pieces fell into place. Two other children his age were attending the same two schools as him, so I formed a carpool with their moms. This new alliance enabled our three kids to bond daily in our minivans and a triumvirate of yummy mummies to socialize. Within a month, the play dates began. It’s no coincidence that I’m noticing a change in my son. His confidence is growing. He’s showing signs of a sense of humor. He’s acting nicer to his little sister!!! And, most importantly, he’s learning how to be a friend.

Encouraging your child to learn to play properly can be hard work. But it’s all part of being a Yummy Mummy.

My son likes to wear dresses. There, I’ve said it. Since he was a toddler, he’s been attracted to all things beautiful. At dress up parties, while the boys were putting on evil monster costumes, my son got lost in the pastel colours and silky fabrics of princess gowns. It was cute. When he turned five, it became uncomfortable.

If you knew me at all, you’d know I am the most liberal, free spirited person in North Toronto. I cherish my son’s individual taste and his well-developed imagination. His penchant for pretty said to me he had a highly developed esthetic sensibility. I believe my son has the makings of an artist.

Around me, the reactions were very different. Clusters of family members began to display discomfort for my son’s preferences. What started as whispers amongst each other became a series of warnings. I was told I was “damaging Josh by letting him wear dresses. I was confusing him. I was turning him gay”. The situation was getting ugly and spiraling out of control.

The rest of the family was appalled at this attitude. They were more concerned with my son’s wellbeing. “He’s just expressing himself. It’s just a stage. It will pass”.

Battle lines were drawn. My husband and I were caught in the middle.

Josh knew something was up. He had been told several times from “helpful” family members that dressing up was inappropriate for a boy. He did it anyway. But there was an increasing secrecy in his behaviour accompanied by anxiety. I was worried.

My husband was torn. Half of him wanted my son to feel free to express himself. But there was a greater concern that his son display more male behaviour. That’s when our fights started. My son’s love of dresses started to affect our family dynamic and our marriage. We had to take some action.

I asked around amongst my yummy mummy girlfriends, and a child psychologist was highly recommended. A month later my husband and I sat in her office, a box of Kleenex close at hand.

After hearing about our emotionally charged situation, she spoke. “Your son needs to stop wearing dressing immediately.” I was shocked. “What? What about his imagination? His individuality? His love of all things beautiful?” I grabbed another Kleenex .

She explained that one of the ways children understand their place in society is the way they dress. At his age, wearing dresses isn’t socially acceptable behaviour and warned he would likely become a pariah amongst his school friends. The fact that he was anxious while dressing girly also didn’t sit well with her. What he needed, she prescribed, was for us to give him firm guidelines with an explanation. To satisfy his artist self, she suggested we provide Josh with a box of art materials so he can design, draw and write about dresses to his hearts content. Female clothing was fine as long as it was on paper and not on his body

I wiped my tears, my husband drew a sigh of relief and we went home to chat with him.

“Josh”, I said, paraphrasing the psychologist’s words. “What would you think if you saw a fireman wearing a dress? Or, what if your teacher wore her pajamas to school? You’d think that’s strange, right? We wear clothes so people understand who we are. You’re a boy so you need to wear boy’s clothes. So no more dresses, ok?”

I swear I saw relief pass over his face. He smiled, said, “OK”, and jumped off the bed. It was that simple.

It’s been two months and Josh hasn’t gone near a dress since. He’s happier, less moody and more playful. And so am I.

PS, If anybody out there needs some slightly used princess dresses size 6, let me know

The day my son Josh was born, my focus shifted from career to family. For eight months I marveled at his perfect nose, his delightful demeanor and the warmth of his body. But slowly, my own personal needs begin trickling to the front of my brain and the idea of work became intriguing again. .

Careful What You Wish For
Since television has been my métier for the last couple of decades, it became the avenue I pursued. For three years I worked on creating an innovative television series specifically for moms; a show that would resonate with women worldwide. Well, you know the old adage, “Be careful what you wish for because it might come true.” I began living the life I wished for and, occasionally, suffered the consequences.

In May 2004, Discovery Health greenlit Yummy Mummy, my parenting show for the music video generation. I was ecstatic. As I had hoped, the series is an innovative take on the realities of modern parenthood with a bit of a cheeky edge. An especially exciting aspect is the added layer of animation that sets this show apart from any other parenting show on the planet. But here lies the hidden catch. The more innovative and complex the show is, the more time on set is required by the host/producer. The more I work, the less I see my kids.

When creating our list of over one hundred stories required for all 26 episodes of Yummy Mummy, we had lively brainstorming sessions. Pieces on sleep deprivation, fertility, post baby fitness, family cars, talking about sex with your kids, the perfect stroller were some of the ideas thrown about.

What About Life Balance?
But one of the ongoing themes that continued to rear its ugly head is balance. For example, how to find time to have sex with your significant other when you’re too tired to put a sentence together? Or, why is it that working women are still expected to do the lion’s share of housework? And, how to get back to work after maternity leave without damaging your family life?

Before diving into production of Yummy Mummy, my days as a freelance writer/host were essentially my own. I created my schedule and made sure to build in time with my kids. The minute I signed my contract with the broadcasters, was the day I gave up my freedom. Suddenly there were truckloads of people depending on me to look good, sound great and lead our television troupes to Gemini glory. A typical studio-shooting day started at 9am until 7pm. I made sure to drive Josh to school every morning so we could have some alone time before rushing off to studio. But I missed playing with him and Jessie, and hated missing supper with my family.

The range of emotions that ran through my brain on an ongoing basis include guilt (to be missing dinner), joy (to be working), guilt (to be feeling joy), anger (that I can’t control my schedule), pride (to be working with such a great group), frustration (that I can’t find the balance), relief (that my family is so helpful and understanding) and guilt (that I feel so blessed).

When we started production, I spoke with our series’ production manager, Jennifer, who has 2 young children and worked full time, about how she manages to balance her career and home. Her solution – a stay at home husband. Tara, line producer at our company, also mother of 2, has a team of nannies, friends and family she can call to fill in when she works late. I took her advice and managed to assemble a Yummy support team that includes my husband, my mother, my mother in law and my nanny. Without them, I’m not sure how I could have justified taking all that time to make my show.

The shooting for Yummy Mummy lasted another 3 months, and then wrapped for the season. Translation – life returned to normal. When the cameras stopped rolling I took a short break to spend some quality time with my family.

Then, I sat down and started building the www.yummymummyclub.ca website, another full time job. I can’t help it. Working is what makes me feel good. But, this time I was a mompreneur, working for myself.

Working Moms – I Salute You
To all moms who work long hours on a full time basis, my heart goes out to you. I congratulate you on keeping your personal dreams alive, and commiserate with you on your struggle to find balance. It’s never easy being a Yummy Mummy, but in the end, hopefully it’s all worth it.

Coming soon! Watch for new articles from this expert.

Get More Tips, Strategies And Articles For Yummy Mummies HERE

Over the course of the last six years, during which time I also birthed a baby girl, I bonded with many a mommy. I’ve seen with my own eyes how mothers develop and learn to trust their natural maternal instinct.

One mom’s remarkable story comes to mind. At six months into her pregnancy she began to feel “funny”. She visited her doctor, then a hospital emergency room several times over the course of a week. She was examined, each visit ending with a prescription for rest, aspirin, and orders to stop worrying. One doctor went a step further, giving her two shots of steroids to mature the baby’s lungs. Seven days later, five in the morning, this mom wakes up to go the bathroom, but falls on her knees in agony. She screams to her husband, “I’m having the baby now!!!” Half asleep, her husband calls 911, and within minutes, ends up delivering their premature baby girl. An ambulance rushes mother and daughter to the hospital.

Thankfully, the story has a happy ending. What struck me was how SHE KNEW!!! None of the doctors could find specific medical proof to indicate a problem, but this mom-to-be could feel it. Had she not gone to the hospital several times, she wouldn’t have been given those needles that ultimately saved her baby’s life. Instinctually, she was already protecting her child in a way no one else could.

When I was pregnant, I literally trusted my gut. Although my head told me to be careful about what I consumed to ensure my baby received only the finest nutrition, my stomach screamed for anything dripping in fat. Despite protests from my head, my gut instincts craved red meat and ice cream. I ate with abandon.

I obeyed my hungry inner voice, and with a mix of shock and awe, watched my buttocks spread, my breasts blossom and my belly bulge. My girlish figure disappeared. In its place, a round stranger who shuffled and puffed under new weight appeared – the beginnings of my transformation into Motherhood. My husband voiced his concern a few times at the large amounts of food I was taking in. Was he ever in trouble! My single friends were in perturbed at who (or what) I was becoming.

Nine months later, and forty five pounds heavier, I held my healthy eight pound baby boy. I knew that by listening to my body, I was hearing what my son needed to grow. We were connected from day one.

And so it is with most moms. Although I had a slow start embracing my new role as mother, I understand now how in tune I was right from the start. I realized that I understood my kids more than anyone on this planet. I was the expert. This “A-ha moment” was the beginning of consciously trusting my instincts.

That’s not to say getting advice from other moms isn’t helpful. I cherish my time in mommy groups, in the park and waiting for my kids after school – prime times for information sharing amongst yummy mummies. From tantrums to picky eaters, it’s always interesting to hear how other moms handle situations. That’s the benefit of being part of the Yummy Mummy Club. But when push comes to shove, and a decision has to be made about my child, I trust my gut. Mommy does know best.
Coming soon! Watch for new articles from this expert.

Get More Tips, Strategies And Articles For Yummy Mummies HERE

A true Yummy Mummy understands the importance of a healthy emotional and sexual connection with their life partner. Kids grow up and leave home. Suddenly you’re faced with quiet meals with your hubby, but you’ve forgotten how to talk to each other.

Travel can be the key to recharging your relationship. Husband and wife hitting the road together – without little ones – is not a luxury. It is a necessity. So leave your guilt behind, pack a bag, pick a place and go.

If you have the time and money, you may want to consider visiting one of the ten most romantic places in the world. But, when you’re with someone you love, the destination is secondary. There’s no need to leave your own city or state.

If you only have the weekend, long distance travel will eat up too much of your time. Why not check into a local boutique hotel for the weekend instead. Slip on one of those cozy white terry robes and lounge decadently with your husband while sipping a fruity Merlot. Don’t order room service all the time. There’s too much opportunity to turn on the television, which is the number one conversation killer – even deadlier than a couple of whining children.

Collect a list of local restaurant reviews in the weeks leading up to your getaway and plan to checkout a cool new hotspot. Be a tourist in your own town. Shop. Buy each other gifts. Visit places you’ve driven by and always wondered what lurked within. Drop in to a nightclub. Go dancing. Be foolish. Stay out late. Sleep in. Laugh. Talk. Cry. Laugh. Love.

It’s amazing how a weekend away can have such a profound affect on your life. That short intense time together reconnects you as adults, lovers, thinkers and playmates. We all need that.

Having kids is a huge part of our lives. But it’s not the only thing. So pamper yourself and your relationship. Travel will keep Mummy very Yummy!

Coming soon! Watch for new articles from this expert.

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Know Your Boobs

Measure Properly
The average woman’s breasts will change shape, size and distribution about 6 times in her life, which explains why most of us are wearing the wrong bra size. I walked in with a 34C, and after being measured, was shocked to learn Im a 32 DD. To discover your size, measure around your ribcage for the bra band, then across the breast area for cup size. A professional bra fitter can interpret those measurements to suggest the right bra.

The Jiggle Dance
To try a new bra properly, do it up on the loosest hook. Then, bend over and jiggle them into the bra cups so they can “find their homes”. Use your hands to manipulate your boobs to fill the cups properly. Pull up the straps, stand up and jiggle them again. Look for spillage (too small) or puckers (too big). If you lift your arms and the bra rides up, go down in band size. If you can’t breathe, go bigger.

The Difference
After trying on eight different styles, I took home a Le Mystere Tisha 32DD (an Oprah fave) and a Bali 3364 32DD (a great minimizer). The difference to my silhouette was huge. My torso seemed elongated and slimmer. My breasts pointed north and spillage was history.

Reality Check
If your breasts look uneven, they probably are. Most women’s left breast tends to be slightly larger. Also, most bras will feel slightly uncomfortable even if they are the right size. After being worn a while, it will mold to your body.

Cleaning Confusion
It’s recommended bras be cleaned after two wearings to avoid stretching the fabric. Handwash with gentle soap, towel off excess water, reshape and hang to dry. Here’s a great tip from Randi Szymkwicz, co-owner of The Bra Boutique: Bring your bras into your shower, wash them with mild body soap, scrubbing gently with a puffball. Hang to dry!

Whether you’re overloaded with cleavage or hoping for some, the reality is the right bra can help make any mummy yummy!

Coming soon! Watch for new articles from this expert.

In the meantime, to read more about her, go to More About The Author…
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